agree-upon these

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."

Marilyn Monroe 

"I always feel happy" You know why? Because I don't expect anything from anyone! Expectations always hurt...

Shakespeare 

brand-new phase

How can I describe last Sunday? I'M ON EDGE! even now I'm still in hullabaloo. All the trepidation that I felt at the first place were swept away and changed with this felicity. It started with the idea that I should do and learn new object which has something to do with my classes. Then I saw the doorway through my senior in highschool on facebook. The opportunity to play role as reporter in jazz scope enticed me so well. New circle usually freaked me out. Thank Lord it didn't happen this time, in fact they welcomed me and Ghea nicely. I love the place, the ambience, friendly air, jazzy tunes, even the effing shot of macchiato. Writing straightly on the spot as first task startled me at once but then all things beat smoothly and I could follow the cadence. Eventually, came another kicks. At nite I found that The Report which was made by some of us had published on web and I saw my name on it! Then me and Ghea had received the official ID in the mornin. Couldn't happy more :D  "Welcome abroad girls"
I realize it is a sweet first step for sure. It really is. As I know big expectation and commendation need deed and accomplishment in return. Still, lotta jazz thingy and music vocab that I should understand. But then comes mild word,  "Relax, do not push, go with the flow... Let the music choose  it own right time for you "
THE REPORT: Sunday Jazz XIX at Potluck

Uangku Raib.

Subuh tadi sekitar jam 2 ke jam 3. BBM mengganggu tidur, tapi bikin mikir lagi. 


Seseorang dengan ceritanya. 


Hilang sejumlah uang besar yang dicurigai oleh teman sendiri. Saya kenal baik korbannya, pelakunya juga. Teman sejak kecil semuanya. Lalu bingung. Kenapa bisa, kenapa tega, kenapa kepikiran. Kadang uang bisa jadi masalah krusial untuk hubungan sedekat apapun. Memang dia tidak terlintas akibatnya? konsekuensinya? ganjarannya kalau sampai ketauan ambil milik orang lain. Perilaku sempit. Pendek.


Jangan mudah percaya. Sekalipun mereka ber label teman, yang dianggap dekat sekalipun. Dengan kemasan belasan tahun sekalipun. Lingkungan ini keruh, susah melihat jelas. susah membedakan. Kasian sekali saya dan kalian. Manusia.


Sifat brengsek seseorang bisa muncul kapan saja, dengan situasi gimana saja. Tidak di duga duga. Tidak pandang sosok. Yah, judulnya juga brengsek.


Kata Mutiara: Tetap selalu perketat keamanan uang anda masing masing kawan. Baik yang di dompet ataupun di ATM. Banyak maling, banyak perampok, eh teman maksudnya.

Special Song for Me

Easy come, easy go

That's just how you live, oh

Take, take, take it all,

But you never give

Should of known you was trouble from the first kiss,

Why were they open?

Gave you all I had

And you tossed it in the trash

You tossed it in the trash, you did

To give me all your love is all I ever asked,

Cause what you don't understand is

I’d catch a grenade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)

Throw my hand on a blade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)

I’d jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah , yeah)

You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)

Oh, oh

I would go through all this pain,

Take a bullet straight through my brain,

Yes, I would die for ya baby;

But you won't do the same

No, no, no, no

Black, black, black and blue beat me till I'm numb

Tell the devil I said “hey” when you get back to where you're from

Mad woman, bad woman,

That's just what you are, yeah,

You’ll smile in my face then rip the breaks out my car

Gave you all I had

And you tossed it in the trash

You tossed it in the trash, yes you did

To give me all your love is all I ever asked

Cause what you don't understand is

I’d catch a grenade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)

Throw my hand on a blade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)

I’d jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah , yeah)

You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)

Oh, oh

I would go through all this pain,

Take a bullet straight through my brain,

Yes, I would die for ya baby;

But you won't do the same

If my body was on fire, ooh

You’ d watch me burn down in flames

You said you loved me you're a liar

Cause you never, ever, ever did baby...

But darling I’ll still catch a grenade for ya

Throw my hand on a blade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)

I’d jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah , yeah)

You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)

Ooh, you’ll never do the same,

No, no, no, no

ps: sesosok baru-baru ini menghubungi, bilang lagu ini buat saya. Bruno Mars-Grenade. entah maksudnya apa. pasti penuh amarah, dendam juga mungkin. lalu saya balas. Usher-Separated.

So why don't you go your way 

And I'll go mine 

Live your life, and I'll live mine 

Baby you'll do well, and I'll be fine 

Cause we're better off, separated 

ps: lalu hening. sudah begitu saja. mudah ternyata untuk membungkam. yah tapi tidak tahu nanti sesosok meracau lagi atau tidak.

The Beggining

Finally, I am writing something! Well, it is an ironic. I used finally for the first word ever to describe a Beginning of something. This fuckin blog is for my need so it's gonna all about me and things surrounding me. My egoism. I believe in things happen for a reason or there are reasons behind all things. Yeah, I write because I have to throw out my trashes in mind. I'm learning to control my mind through words, eventhough the women have no right of the word. I feel enough for being controlled by my own mind.
this picure was taken by Febrian Dirga. thank you.